recurrent stupidity

i dreamed about you again.
and i've never hated you more than now.
i hate you because you're my recurrent dream.
my luckless reverie.
an intermittent surge of an almost forgotten longing.
i hate you because i cant seem to hate you at all.
we ignored each other for dear life.
i can still remember the look in your face,
that bold glimpse of nothingness.
you even ignored me more than i did.
i cant forgive myself of this happiness
that's blocking the real picture.
an overt expression that i cant hide,
this thing i know as a full blown irrationality,
keeping me away from that cold truth.
that lingering joy is hiding behind closed doors.
i just know it still does, just like the old days.
not that any of these are important to me now.

because i know you will remain as my defeat.
my present and future failure.