Random Thoughts

• I cannot tell for sure if I will wave goodbye to college four months from now, but just the thought of having to file up a graduation form on Tuesday brings me the jitters of kissing my laidback “student years” goodbye and saying hello to job-hunting and living on my own. Haha. I am all ecstatic with the idea of leaving school but I am also too frightened of getting acquainted with the real world. But, I guess before planning out a major metamorphosis, I might as well pass Bio10 first. Funny, but I am actually taking up Biology class this semester together with a bunch of freshmen students… and damn, I am alienated and I am really S-C-A-R-E-D. It was like eons ago since I last heard of Biology so how the hell will I know for sure how dioxynucleic acid works? Haha. What if I fail Bio10? The good news is that I may not be able to graduate if I fail this GE subject. So, please, God help me…

• I had the best sembreak ever, and now I am starting to miss my 24/7 pig-out moments for three weeks last month. I also attended this inuman session with my high-school friends where I threw up twice! Yeah, not once, but two times of throwing up like there’s no tomorrow. It was one horrible and hallucinating moment that I am just looking forward to happen again. Haha. And also, through some cosmic proportion, together with three of my grade school buddies, I was able to organize our 3rd get-together. But last sembreak’s get together was way way more fun and ehem, extra eventful. Haha. I really love catching up with these people whom I never expected to be friends with in the first place. They all make going back home more special and wanted. As we’ve realized, it was the last sembreak for most of us that’s why we spent and brought the night to the next level. haha. Whatever that means. I miss sembreak. Sigh.

• I am starting to miss Baguio even this early. Haha. (feeling ba?! Hehe) I so like the cold weather at the moment and am deeply inlove with the occasional mists whenever we walk down Session Road at night. It makes my atmosphere irresistibly nostalgic and mysterious, which I really like. It’s nice to have a healthy amount of nostalgia sometimes because it practically makes and re-makes Baguio as a venue for love lost and found. Haha. I am starting to miss Baguio because of the fact that I have no plans of working here. Me and my buddies already had our eyes laid on working in Manila and I am not changing my mind yet. I love Baguio and I am dreaming of owning a house here just so I can visit the place whenever I want. But I just can’t bear the thought of having to work here because it ain’t fun at all. I love Baguio but I just know that the place and I are not meant for each other. Haha. There are just some moments and things and people that I just love to hate about the place. And even this early, I am saying goodbye.

• Look who’s turning twenTEENone this December. Wow, now I have an additional year to remind me that it is just mandatory for me to GROW UP. It’s pathetic but 21 years of living just don’t prove that I am mature enough to act my age. I know I am childish, and I just have to admit that most of the time I have this “utak grade 3” syndrome. I still love pursuing this IRAQ-US “War on Terror” with my 7-year-old brother and on most occasions, I still can’t decide on my own. I still break things, I still cry over petty things, and I am still undeniably clumsy and “burara”. Haha. But whatever happens, I know I can never get away from turning twenty-one next month. As one of my friends say “Czarina, sobrang legal ka na to do everything! Debut mo na ulit eh!” Yeah, right. Hehe. I don’t know what’s going to happen and the funny thing is that I still don’t hold the “conviction” to act my age. I just hope this year will be a little different, that something good and life-changing will eventually surface just so I can GROW UP. Advance Happy 21st bday to me. =)

• This may be a change of phase but I am not missing anyone lately. Haha. I guess I am damn right in deciding that giving up is the best and the only thing to do. I’ve been bombarded by love problems from my friends 24/7 and I’ve just been fed up by stories of lost loves, and of loves that are bound to crash down… Mine just ended. And I just know that I have yet to find someone who can beat the stupidity I had from actually praying for things to happen and for past feelings to come back. Facing the mirror and seeing how uglier and “wider” I am getting every day is enough reason for me to stop dreaming and just make good things happen for me, like passing my bio10 and polsci14 quizzes on Wednesday, perhaps. Haha…

• Basta all in all, I am a happy person at the moment… me and my college “chockarans” promised to make this hopefully last semester fun, fun, fun for us! I don’t know if it will still be fun when I learn that I failed bio10. haha. Wag naman sana. I just hope that this sem will be extra-ordinary. That all of us will eventually have our happy endings. Others already had. I am yet to find my own… =)