One Step Forward

This is probably one of my biggest accomplishments since God knows when...

Later this afternoon, it came to me that weekends here in Baguio is a lot more unbearable than in Tarlac. Since I get to go home every weekend, maybe spending a three-day weekend here to accomplish some major papers is way too much for me to handle. Yeah, I don't really dig spending weekends here because I feel like I really have to accomplish some school stuffs and I really am not the biggest fan of doing research papers. But as I've said in my previous posts - "you really have to do some things because they're given.." So here goes Czarina who finally accomplished two pages of the required 6-page Chapter 1 of her Comm199 research proposal. Yeah right, I must admit that I really suck in formal/technical writing... But there's nothing else I can do but at least try to finish this introduction that is due on friday.

So, when I woke up at 8am this morning and saw my housemates rush to school, I suddenly realized that Monday is even worse than weeekend because atleast I get to hang out with my housemates during Saturdays and Sundays. Since UP stripped down classes to four days (from Tuesday to Friday) Mondays became the most dragging day of the week for a girl who's so used to going home in Tarlac. So there, after finishing the so-called framework of my paper I decided to go to the library to gather some research materials(yeah, you read it right, I decided to go the the library). But then I changed my mind and decided to walk along Session Road alone. I went to VideoOne and rented "The Terminal". I saw its trailer a few weeks back and wanted to watch the movie since then... I dunno, but I am an illicit Tom Hanks fan.hehe.. After that, I went to this bookstore and decided to buy myself this Pilot gell pen..Yey!

I was about to go home until I passed by McDonalds that so smelled french fries and burgers. Since I had an early lunch and it was 5 in the afternoon I decided to grab some fries not realizing that I was alone. So there, I went to the farthest corner of the store and devoured my burgers and fries. Yeah, I must admit that since high-school graduation, eating out in McDonalds has become a different experience. It has become incomplete even when I'm with my new buddies... it's like watching The Notebook alone...like being alone in your room on Valentine's night...(haha..dumb examples). So, there, alone in a corner, while watching some high-school buddies eat together, my nostalgic reminiscence of high-school began. Yeah..high-school was a blast. As I remembered, I never really studied then, I just attended classes.. (classes that I felt alienated to- chemistry, trigo, not to mention calculus. ) After five minutes of watching the MTV version of my high-school life, I came back to earth and found myself there, in one corner, still alone and saw this Ronald McDonald poster glaring at me... Then it came to me that eating out alone is one huge accomplishment I've done so far. It's way greater than finishing my research paper or any major paper for that matter. Does this signal my kissing teen-age years goodbye? Back then I was never into walking alone and eating alone. I thought that doing these things alone is the saddest thing a person can do. But now, I'm finally doing it! Nah.. eating alone isnt really that sad, maybe some parts of it especially when you see some pack having a good time. But then, you go to McDonalds to eat, right? So there, I went and ate. And actually had the time of my life...=)

So, what's next? Watch a movie alone? I may not be ready yet.hehe.. But sometimes, it really feels good to actually have a good time by yourself. It's one way of maturing emotionally, I think. The feeling of finally doing things by your own. Yeah, the experience is literally lonesome but you'll get over the sad feeling little by little. And yeah, it's one great way to non-conform.. to become utterly deviant. I'm turning "twenteen" tomorrow. There are these jitters and all but I can't do a thing. I guess the more you resist from maturing the more lonely and frustrated you get. So what if for twenty years I havent even kissed or even held hands with a guy? (oops!...that's way much revealing!hehe) So what if I still get homesick and still cry over petty things? I know everything else is just a phase... One step forward and I know I'll do better.

Advance Happy 20th Birthday, Czarina!