the girl
the girl cant sleep. her eyes have grown tired after nine hours of work but they remain restless. they physically close but deep down they aren't reposing- she can vividly feel her eyeballs travel from one corner to another like encountering REM while being awake. not even her hardcore and pornographic ways of inducing sleep are working to help her. she knows this cant be happening because she still has so many things to do tonight and not sleeping today would mean an additional nine hours of sleep deprivation. and if she does the math, it will sum up to a whooping 26 hours of being wide awake.
she knows she needs to dose off but her whole life wont take a chance on her, pushing her to the limits, dragging her like an addict who is in dire need of a fix. her favorite heroine isn't helping her too well today, and she wants to ask why.
there are so many things in her life now that are either messed up or just plain unfortunate. pardon her for bringing back that other girl whom she thought already died before her eyes. that other girl who was well versed with issues of low self worth. she thought she was able to drown that girl years ago but she keeps on coming back without warning - like an uninvited presence that continuously haunts her for dear life. the predicaments that are occurring in her life now are going on haywire and they seem to enjoy the niche they are in at the moment. she doesn't want to start the year this dark but the past few days proved to her that she still cant get over the other girl who has been so accustomed to nostalgic affairs and sad repulsive words. the other girl just flutters effortlessly, such ghastly occurrence that goes in on one second and dissolves into thin air on the other.
she doesn't want to turn to her friends because she knows they have grown tired of that girl who thinks so little of herself. her redundant paranoia drifted her away from the friends she have loved all her life. but she tells herself, how can "you speak of something that doesn't exist. how can you let out a big smile when all you can do is a pained stare, or a broken smile, perhaps?". she knows she cant masquerade with such vibrancy because with the tired eyes that she bears, not even a fool will find a sensible reason to believe her.
the girl knows she's way overboard of her current state. the girl is fatigued with her thoughts that goes in proportion with her battered eyes and a mind that cant even compose a good sentence. she cant even say anything profound to let the person next to her see through her undefined frailty. the girl is too lost for words and the other girl is pointing and laughing at such misfortune.
she let out a silent smirk. but the other girl is still plunged into hysterical laughter. even in idiosyncrasy, she cant beat her, or anyone else - always the second best, the consistent number two.
the other girl is getting into her nerves. but she smiles as she concocts another plan. the luring scent of sleep deprivation, and her smirk on the loose, she perfected her scheme. she knows she cant go wrong this time. and after that she will sleep.
posted by czacza @ 2:46 PM
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