I was on my way home when I suddenly felt the need to define and rationalize this “something” that’s been surfacing in my life these past few weeks. Not that I want to paint colors out of it or give meaning out of the meaningless – its way less mushy and more awkward than that. I just need to make sure that what I have at this point is something that happens to everyone before I even acquire anxiety attack. Then, by mischief of a clueless moment, it suddenly hit me that there’s this physics term I learned in back in college that is closely associated with what I want to call this-something-that-can’t-be-helped.

In the physical world, it’s called Entropy.

For starters, Wikipedia says that Entropy has often been loosely associated with the amount of order, disorder, and/or chaos in a thermodynamic system. The traditional qualitative description of entropy is that it refers to changes in the status quo of the system and is a measure of "molecular disorder" and the amount of wasted energy in a dynamical energy transformation from one state or form to another. Blah, blah, blah.

I want to dig into the part and parcel of the abovementioned description so as not to get too scientific and much more readable and comprehensible:

= Order, disorder, chaos in a system, change in the status quo, wasted energy.

It’s something that can’t be helped. I want to think that entropy exists not just as a law in physics, but as a universal law that is bound to challenge every human being’s way of life. It’s the world telling you that disorder is a natural way of things. That sometimes, no matter how much you want to live normal, to act like nothing’s changed, entropy kicks in, and you’re just bound to fall hard on the floor, face-down, unprepared.

It’s a chaos in a system. AND I CAN’T AGREE MORE. It naturally is a turmoil for me to even allow things to be this way. I want to blame familiarity and idleness as the aggravating sources of entropy in me at this moment. Familiarity, because I’ve become too accustomed with what is at hand, to the people within the vicinity, to the ones whom I could easily gain access to social life with that I have already closed my doors to the others. Idleness, because it’s the lack of something that paved the way to the unbecoming development of this something-that-can’t-be-helped.

Its entropy. Hard core entropy that’s been ruining my life lately. It is to be blamed for feeling what I’m not supposed to feel, what I don’t have the right to feel. I am considering the resolve to get away from the current things, atleast to save myself from the drawbacks of what is called a wasted energy. But its hard to resist something that makes you happy at the moment. It’s hard not to be pleased by this and that and everything else that is being done for you no matter how undeserving you think you are of such things.

BUT IT’S WRONG! It is so wrong the whole idea is already near the vicinity of being “taboo”. So unlikely, thinking about it is a waste of energy on its own. Plus, I don’t want to lose anything by nursing and clinging on this thing-that-can’t-be-helped. I don’t want entropy to ruin this precious gift that I’ve always had through the years because of an abrupt change in status quo. I just can’t.

So this is me saying that entropy forms part of the natural order of things. It is human nature to be plagued with the chaos of feeling something beyond what is expected. Entropy proves that a change in status quo because of external and internal forces of nature is as natural as the process of breathing, as normal as feeling this abnormal thing inside of you that you can no longer wait to drag out of your system.

Its entropy, everyone. And it’s a natural phase. I want to give ample justification to what I am feeling because I know that it is never intentional. Let me reiterate that it just happened because of familiarity and idleness. Some things that can’t be helped.

And it is a phase. And I am bound to get over such destruction. Sooner, please?