survey

nitz, pahiram muna ng survey..hehe.. lang magawa..actually, first time kong mag-avail ng survey. saktong madrama pa..hehe.

1. are u serious wen it comes to relationships?
aint sure.. (pwede ring suicidal..haha)

2. are you afraid of commitments?
kadramahan.. nxt question, please?

3. are u a risk taker?
nope.. im not good at taking chances. Im too chickenshit.

4. wat can u say abt. long distance relationships?
long distance relationships don’t work, most of the time. sometimes, you really have to be with each other, as in literally, for things to work out.

5. can u luv a person hu doesnt love u?
I already did.. and it hurt...

6. do actions speak louder than words?
nope… actions and words must go hand in hand. (kase sometimes actions and words alone can mislead.. so dapat, pareho, diba? Para mas feel!)

7. hav u felt/found true love?
I think I already have felt it. (…mula sa masalimuot kong karanasan, sabi ng friends ko, love nga daw yun..ewan lang…haha, walang tiwala sa mga friends..)

8. how can u say that a person luvs you?
If the person really shows it. Like, he loves you if he’s all about you. And he cant trade you for anything. (ung nirereplyan ka manlang sana nia mula sa matinong text mo sa kaniya.. ung mamamansin lang sana siya pag nagkita kayo…hahaha, bitter, nakainom ba ko?)

9. are you good in handling relationship?
n/a

10. willing to give everything?
I would have… (..pero, I know he’s not worth the try so ‘wag na lang…)

11. best thing uve learned from loving? that loving doesn’t necessarily have a happy ending. That its pure shit if its just one-way. But it’s a natural process and no matter how much you hate the guy already… there’s still this tiny part of you that cries for him. (oo, totoo yan..)

12. do u demand ur luv1 to change into someone that pleases u?
I think so… (barubal un eh...kailangan ng attitude overhauling..hehe)

13. wud u let go of some1 u love?
Yeah. I already did. I cant cling to someone who is never really into me. (kahit paano, nagiisip din naman ako… I know he’s just a phase I’m bound to get over with)

14. are u a one woman man & vice versa type of person?
cant tell. Its too soon.hehe (one-crush girl ako…)

16. how do u express ur luv to sm1?
I just let him know that I still exist. Yeah, texts have been appropriate. And by letting him know that I care. (sobrang feeling ko, naging easy ako, but it’s still okay, it nice acting completely stupid at times)

17. wat is the major reason of a break up?
I dunno. Cheating? Stealing? (bakla pala siya?hehe)

18. most important ingredient in a relationship?
shet… ang hirap naman nito... next..

19. ever regret loving someone?
sure do. Eh lalo na sa akin, he’s never really into me. So what’s next , diba?

20. one thing u hate abt love?
not being loved back… haha… (no matter how much you resist from it, it taunts you night after night)

21. one thing u like about love?
you’re sometimes put into an irrational universe… like everything else is about him. (pero in real life, ni hindi ka nga niya maalala..haha bitter nanaman)

22. worst thing u did to a love one?
loving him in the first place. (sobrang “no” “no” siya but I still pursued and I guess that was the worst thing that I did)

23. are you in love?
I was in love before…

24. with whom?
with a person who didn’t even care.. but its okay… who am I to him, anyway?

25. do u have a bf/gf?
i don't

26. why?
in a world full of too-vain-to-function people, the reason is innate

27. are you a hopeless romantic?
no matter how I resist, I guess I am.

28. do you get tired of loving?
I was never tired for seven years. But now, its finally over. I’m so done waiting. (kamusta naman diba? May isip naman ako kahit paano..=)

29. who has changed your view about loving?
myself. I do this little process called self-assessment where I really try to think as “normal” as possible

30. message to your loved one?
puta ka.. mamatay ka na!joke… Alicia Keys is damn right in telling that “what goes around comes around.” Everything comes full circle. And, have you ever heard of karma?!

One Step Forward

This is probably one of my biggest accomplishments since God knows when...

Later this afternoon, it came to me that weekends here in Baguio is a lot more unbearable than in Tarlac. Since I get to go home every weekend, maybe spending a three-day weekend here to accomplish some major papers is way too much for me to handle. Yeah, I don't really dig spending weekends here because I feel like I really have to accomplish some school stuffs and I really am not the biggest fan of doing research papers. But as I've said in my previous posts - "you really have to do some things because they're given.." So here goes Czarina who finally accomplished two pages of the required 6-page Chapter 1 of her Comm199 research proposal. Yeah right, I must admit that I really suck in formal/technical writing... But there's nothing else I can do but at least try to finish this introduction that is due on friday.

So, when I woke up at 8am this morning and saw my housemates rush to school, I suddenly realized that Monday is even worse than weeekend because atleast I get to hang out with my housemates during Saturdays and Sundays. Since UP stripped down classes to four days (from Tuesday to Friday) Mondays became the most dragging day of the week for a girl who's so used to going home in Tarlac. So there, after finishing the so-called framework of my paper I decided to go to the library to gather some research materials(yeah, you read it right, I decided to go the the library). But then I changed my mind and decided to walk along Session Road alone. I went to VideoOne and rented "The Terminal". I saw its trailer a few weeks back and wanted to watch the movie since then... I dunno, but I am an illicit Tom Hanks fan.hehe.. After that, I went to this bookstore and decided to buy myself this Pilot gell pen..Yey!

I was about to go home until I passed by McDonalds that so smelled french fries and burgers. Since I had an early lunch and it was 5 in the afternoon I decided to grab some fries not realizing that I was alone. So there, I went to the farthest corner of the store and devoured my burgers and fries. Yeah, I must admit that since high-school graduation, eating out in McDonalds has become a different experience. It has become incomplete even when I'm with my new buddies... it's like watching The Notebook alone...like being alone in your room on Valentine's night...(haha..dumb examples). So, there, alone in a corner, while watching some high-school buddies eat together, my nostalgic reminiscence of high-school began. Yeah..high-school was a blast. As I remembered, I never really studied then, I just attended classes.. (classes that I felt alienated to- chemistry, trigo, not to mention calculus. ) After five minutes of watching the MTV version of my high-school life, I came back to earth and found myself there, in one corner, still alone and saw this Ronald McDonald poster glaring at me... Then it came to me that eating out alone is one huge accomplishment I've done so far. It's way greater than finishing my research paper or any major paper for that matter. Does this signal my kissing teen-age years goodbye? Back then I was never into walking alone and eating alone. I thought that doing these things alone is the saddest thing a person can do. But now, I'm finally doing it! Nah.. eating alone isnt really that sad, maybe some parts of it especially when you see some pack having a good time. But then, you go to McDonalds to eat, right? So there, I went and ate. And actually had the time of my life...=)

So, what's next? Watch a movie alone? I may not be ready yet.hehe.. But sometimes, it really feels good to actually have a good time by yourself. It's one way of maturing emotionally, I think. The feeling of finally doing things by your own. Yeah, the experience is literally lonesome but you'll get over the sad feeling little by little. And yeah, it's one great way to non-conform.. to become utterly deviant. I'm turning "twenteen" tomorrow. There are these jitters and all but I can't do a thing. I guess the more you resist from maturing the more lonely and frustrated you get. So what if for twenty years I havent even kissed or even held hands with a guy? (oops!...that's way much revealing!hehe) So what if I still get homesick and still cry over petty things? I know everything else is just a phase... One step forward and I know I'll do better.

Advance Happy 20th Birthday, Czarina!

Here are the things that I miss these days:

• I miss watching movies (last time I checked, I just watched “Hitch”)
  
• I miss eating out with some old friends
  
• I miss my text buddies (who are eventually my high school friends)
  
• I miss writing blogs (that’s why I’m psyched doing this one)
  
• I miss writing poetry (though I write like shit)
  
• I miss my diary (but I’m not even sure where it is now)
  
• I miss my old pc (all my written craps were there…)
  
• I miss high-school (I’ve been reminiscin’ around lately)
  
• I miss grade-school (the get together we had last sembreak was so good that it hurt..hehe)

• I miss my laughs (I’ve been playing serious these days)
  
• I miss burgers and fries (I just ate some a while ago)
  
• I miss swimming (like, what the hell was that?! hehe...)
  
• I miss summer (I guess, that’s what I’m trying to say)
  
• I miss cleaning up my room (it literally is a mess lately)
  
• I miss being a slacker (I can’t afford to limp around now)
  
• I miss the old world (now I’m philosophizing…)
  
• I miss falling in love (my heart has grown cold already)
  
• I miss crying (yeah… can you believe that?)
  
• I miss him (there are so many “hims” in my life)
  
• I miss them (yeah...)
  
• I miss my strong faith (I’ve grown apart from my religion these past years)
  
• I miss my old, kind, and simple self (growing old complicates things)
  
• I miss being naïve (like, when did I ever feel naïve?! Hehe...)
  

…its just that I feel like I’m growing old too fast. But this doesn’t mean I’m maturing emotionally. Nope, not at all. It’s this heavy/unbearable feeling of missing around some things. Now that school stuffs are getting into my nerves, it really feels like I’ve lost track of time. Time was free and available three years ago but now, I dunno… its spending every minute of your life doing the things that really matter… the things that you have to do because they’re given... the things that don’t necessarily make you happy. But its okay, I’m turning twenty eleven days from now, actually. ENOUGH reason to reinvent into a better person, someone sensible, and someone who actually thinks.

"it pays being bored"

Arty Kid

Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique. You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented!

Who Were You In High School?

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.You say whatever is on your mind. Other people's reactions don't phase you.You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

You Are 30% Weird

Not enough to scare other people...But sometimes you scare yourself.

How Weird Are You?

This Can't Be...

Take'>http://www.quizgalaxy.com/quiz.php?id=41">Take this quiz at Is This For Real? This Is My Life, Rated Life: 5.4 Mind: 5.9 Body: 7.5 Spirit: 5.4 Friends/Family: 3.8 Love: 0.8 Finance: 4.8 Take the Rate My Life Quiz